Affinity to Affection

Affection. It's a primary emotion associated with a lot of complicated ones. Is it the same as infatuation? or maybe..attraction or the dreaded four letter menace...LOVE. This might be the most misunderstood feeling in the world, or it just seems to be as many say it matures with age.

All emotions are situational, but this one kind of blows when you're the only one in it, or you're unsure if expecting the same from someone is too much to ask or too little.(That is officially the most confusing statement ever). I plan to make absolutely zero sense with this post. Why do we assume, that meeting someone at such a tender age would lead to all the aspirations we dreamt of since we first started to understand affection, for some it was their first Judy Blume book while others found sneakier ways to catch hold of its scent(you know who you are).

But one common mistake we all must have made is putting an impossible amount of pressure on our very first endeavour. Like that could be it. Like that person can and will be able to handle every nook and cranny of your messed up self and not only remain sane but actually like you for it. Isn't that a bit utopian? Granted, it might feel like that for the first few months or maybe even a year, but eventually one of you will crack and it doesn't really matter who. The blame game is perhaps a temporary coolant to whatever reason you gave to yourself to go on the first time you thought this was a bad idea.

The truth is, the concept of "giving up" has always had a negative vibe when it comes to relationships, so we don't think of it as an option to take right away.Rather, we let it manifest until that particular relationship creates problems that end up being rooted deeper, creating psychological barriers, which we are way too young to understand. Trust issues, self-esteem issues, the lack of belief in anything even adjacent to commitment and the expectation of looming doom over every relationship thereafter are some of the side effects.

But why does it have to be a bad thing? When the feeling of taking the next exit seems strong, why not just..take it? Sure it would hurt, make you feel like you didn't try hard enough or worse blaming yourself for the whole thing and engaging in the vicious cycle of self-pity and unending loathing, but it ultimately gets better.If we really think it could make our lives better why not just let them go? 

And these are not just romantic relationships. OH NO, that would be oh so easy to avoid, it can be any sort of connection with something as fundamental as a child-parent association or as complicated as a 5-year long relationship between two significant lovers.

And then there is always a category of people, who find that within someone who doesn't really see it.This is for all you one sided affection enthusiasts, I can't give any sort of advice that you haven't already heard from a friend or those concerned.We've all been there once, and if there is one fact that is absolutely certain is that time heals even the most dominant of emotions. It's going to suck. Like shards of glass piercing against your skin and no matter how hard you try to pull them out they just dig deeper. And you can't comprehend their sheer power to overlook your overtly transparent signs. But they do. Because maybe, they are you for someone else.

I've realised this is a huge post. So this is where it's going to end. I have no solution to this, just an illusive rant from someone who tries to understand.

Goodbye, my zealous humans.